So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize