So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
