respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
