I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize