I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
