God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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