I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
