Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
