opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
