there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
