new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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