I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
