definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
