Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is wine microwaveable?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
