i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
sarcasm needs its own font
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
