I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
