You're my little dorito
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
