yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
