Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
