HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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