my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
