is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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