Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize