ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
