I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
