I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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