dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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