I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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