I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
