well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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