The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
