I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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