genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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