so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize