his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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