bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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