at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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