My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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