So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
