He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
