idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
