is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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