You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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