i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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