i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize