i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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