dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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