you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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