onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
