Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize