Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
