He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
