Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize