I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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