It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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