My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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