The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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