I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
