Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
