Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
