i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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