I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize