xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
