he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
