I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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