So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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