I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
