not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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