So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
