I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
