Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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