You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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