if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just high enough for therapy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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