I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
