just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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