I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
