My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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