I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
