Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pants are for mortals
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
