Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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