my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
