Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a search helicopter?!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize