Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
