i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I could fuck to npr.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
