I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
