Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
