What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
