now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
