Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
