That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
