my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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