Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
