Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
