Did you just see the Batmobile???
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
