my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize