woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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