we have pet lesbian snakes
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
