she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
