You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
